really just rantings.

I don’t know why but whenever I fall sick, it’ll either be a cold (not flu, as most people mistakenly refer it to) or vomiting. And I would rather let myself catch a heavy cold than to keep experiencing the same nauseous feeling. The day before yesterday I finally allowed myself to vomit after having such a nauseous feeling for at least a few days before that. And I realised that I have to go see the doctor no matter what since it was apparent after a few days that I’m not going to get any better. Each time I went to bed early hoping that the next day I wake up I would feel fresh and energetic. But then each passing day grew to be a disappointment until I finally let myself vomit. Which ended up in me puking out all the food which I ate for the entire day. Not a good experience, that’s why I had tried in vain to force it all in. And the doctor said that I have got gastric inflammation and asked me what did I eat. Well at first I thought that that’s a rather difficult question to answer since I don’t remember eating any unhygienic or exotic food. But then I realise that the only food which I didn’t eat usually I ate it on Thursday and that’s freaking Subway. I don’t really like subway usually because it’s too healthy for a junk food kind of person like me. And when I finally relented and ate subway for dunno what reason since I usually dislike it, I got this illness because of it. How fortunate.

And the worse part after having to endure the unbearable nauseous feeling day after day is the taking of the medicine. I have no idea why on earth must they manufacture pills which are as big as a piece of hard candy. Just that the taste is anything but that. And yes, even at this age I can’t swallow large pills. I know I should be embarrassed but I don’t and I can’t even pretend that I’m ashamed. And so I have to break them up into smaller pieces to take them separately and as for those pills with the powder inside I mix the powder up with water so there’s no need for swallowing. Aren’t I brilliant? But then it’s damn bitter so I have to drink lots of water or eat something after that. Much more inconvenient as compared to if I just swallow them and get it done and over with. But then the problem is, I can’t swallow large pills. There must be some kind of psychological problem with me regarding that. And no, I’m not willing to even try and overcome it. As long as I take my meds who cares how I take them.

And I just realised that I’ve failed to take my antibiotics regularly. I asked some people on the net before whether it’s alright for us to not finish our antibiotics and apparently it’s not alright. But it’s weird because I didn’t finish it and yet I definitely feel very fine and not sick at all. So I guess it should be alright. But then I remember that since young I would get such similar illnesses associated with the taking in some unhygienic food. (Why do I have such an affinity with eating the wrong food?) Its regularity is second only to colds. So I suppose the antibiotics help in the long term? Oh I don’t know and how I wish I can find out more about this when I’m really free and really bored. Ok, maybe I don’t really want to find that out otherwise I would be doing my research now, lol.

Physics. I never knew that you would come back and haunt me after almost three years? To think I have to tackle you again. Please be merciful to me. Heh, like real. As though there is such a thing called sympathy in the academic world. If you suck at something, you’d better get down to it otherwise you can’t really blame anyone except for yourself. I just hope that I’ll pass the module so I don’t have to retake it. Oh the torture.

Just let me pass, dammit!

Ok, enough of my rantings. Back to more mugging.

Only lecture about Colours and I didnt attend it. And to think I was so looking forward to it last time. Oh well.

Stayed awake for another night to complete the interior space assignment which is done in groups. The colour palette provided by Nippon Paint is mind-boggling.

Redoing my sticks and string model tonight so there won't be any sleep again.

Reeeeaaaally looking towards the december break. If only learning of PF could be easier. I've been copying the tutorials wholesale all these while just to go for the tutorials let ahguan see and then faster get the hell out of there, without understanding anything at all. How tragic.   

I still have some work left but I’m prepared to chiong them all out after this post. Just really felt like writing something to reflect on what I’ve been doing all this while. Heard from ah pok that at least five more ppl have applied to be transferred over to FASS and seriously this split second of thought came over me. What if I were to do the same too? Then again, I probably weren’t having such a tough time as those ppl who dropped out. I’m beginning to get use to this course and what it requires of one.

 

A friend asked if I was exaggerating about the amount of sleep we can get. Why the hell would I even want to exaggerate about this sort of thing? (Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t pissed at all, do I look as though I get pissed that easily?!) How I wish I was really exaggerating though. But the fact remains that more time is needed if you want to present something decent, something you’d feel proud of. For me, even if it takes a bit longer for me compared to others, I would still take the extra time to do it right, by my own standards. At the end of it all, I might not even go on to the fifth masters year. Heck I might not even survive the later years (Don’t really think so right now at this point of time, but no one can really say that for sure) This field might not even be what I’ll be in, in the future. But even so, it’s still important to own up to one’s conscience. Since I’m in this course, of course I would like to do decently in it. I wouldn’t ask to be the best because that’s near impossible; there just are too many talented people around. But then I wouldn’t want to be at the bottom either. And it’s not about saving face either. Seriously, I don’t think anyone would even care if your work is like trash because at the end of the day, all everyone cares about first is their own work, themselves, their own situations. Of course I’m not saying that everyone is frigging selfish, just that what one does to oneself is what one deserves, and no one will be able to make the situation better, even if others do care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thing that I’m thankful for is that I don’t feel compelled to wear different and nice clothes to school every day. I was never a fashionista. I just wear clothes which I’m damn comfortable in, which would end up being tees and cargos/jeans and the likes or which fits me, rather than something which would make me feel self-conscious, as though I wasn’t in school learning, but outside in some kind of parade, strutting about to impress people. Oh please, that is so immature and passé. If one is really comfortable in one’s own skin, as long as one isn’t sloppy and it decently well dressed, then why would one have to bother about how one is being presented to the world? Sure I don’t look all dolled up. I wear specs. I don’t wear figure flattering clothes. I sure don’t wear make-up. It’s cos I don’t feel the need to impress anyone! There isn’t anyone I like or feel compelled to dress up for and even if I did have a crush on someone (judging from present circumstances with my fellow peers I doubt that’s going to happen), I still isn’t going to change my present lifestyle for the sake of anyone, ever. Yea I sound like some old maid who is damn unexciting and boring. And I sound like a lazy bum who doesn’t even want to take the extra time to make herself look feminine/attractive. Oh whatever. All I really want to do is to work hard till the December hols when my school and jap exams are over and then I can finally go get my electronic drum set and practice like hell till I become familiar with the rhythm and all. Of course it’s impossible to reach Yoshiki’s god-like status, but at least I’ll feel better about myself.

I think since a long time ago whenever someone with good intentions tell me their advice on how to manage my life, for example spiritual aspects relating to God, I would feel really irked and irritated. I know that they have nothing but only good will for me, but still it doesn't eliminate the fact that I feel that their help is unnecessary. I know myself the best and no one else can tell me that. For some unknown reason, I feel irked when I see happy-happy messages telling others to trust God etc etc etc. Have I grown so unaccustomed to the situation of not feeling any overwhelming joy in my life so much so that I've become like this? To me, it's a peculiar feeling, one which I've never thought that I would have one day. Of course I would like to go for service every week. In fact, I try hard to finish my work fast so I can have time to go. It's just one freaking saturday night how difficult can it be? But it sure is difficult, at least for me. I don't know if there are other aki first years around who can do that. But I've a sneaking suspicion that there is. It just proves that it's more than just plain time management. It's also about your own priorities. Even if there is sufficient time for me to continue my work after that, would I use the time instead to just continue going on or just stop and leav it till later? I'll really give it my all to finish my work fast this friday and saturday. To see if this can really work after all.

Two months have passed since I’ve entered this new stage of my life. Sure university life here is nothing compared to that in the states (was suddenly reminded of this episode of gossip girls in which the college undergrads were all moving their luggage and stuff out from their cars, with their parents helping them. That scene was really cool in that going to college means something akin to independence, unlike here. Most people here just feel a transition in their intellectual levels when they enter uni, not really in their lifestyles. I suppose you can’t see this sort of dynamism in this country. I mean even if you stay in the hostel away from your family home you’re still pretty much dependent on your parents. Well unless you’re born with a silver spoon already stuck in your mouth and then using these natural endowments you do a little investment here and there and become self-supportive. But I dun suppose there r many ppl who are like that. So yea) but then I still feel pretty much glad that I’m where I am now. Yes, glad despite the amount of sleep I have to lose over. Glad despite the amount of $$$ I’ve to spend for this course.

 

I’ve dropped german lpp already. I refuse to say self-deprecating things like I’m so stupid and incapable and since I’m so lousy I can’t handle my workloads and so have to drop it. Well in a way it’s true since the amount of workloads I have altogether is part of the reason I’ve dropped german lpp. But still, I would love to see someone be in aki, manage all the module assignments in it using their utmost effort, and take additional language classes outside, and learn another language from school too. Honestly, I would love to see if someone could do that. Well, I admit, I can’t do it, take so many things at one time that is. Well, actually I could force myself to do it, but then that would cost me even fewer moments of precious sleep and it would further take lots of interest in the german language for me to continue going for three classes (2 lectures 1 tutorial) a week where I’m one of the slowest tortoises crawling around and struggling madly just to flip themselves over instead of lying on their shells. Since I’ve already not have that much interest in learning it already, that really is the last deciding factor for me to drop it. I do not wish to walk into the class each time and think, oh drats I didn’t study german again, oh drats I’m gonna lag behind so bad again. Seriously, in all my life I’ve not gotten used to lagging behind that bad in a class (yes the situation was really that bad for me in german), except for math (jc) and the sciences (sec school), definitely not for languages. And also, I know that it’s not that I don’t have the talent or capacity to learn it, it’s due to a very simple reason and that’s time and the period of time, maybe. After all, I’m still learning Japanese and my level isn’t that good enough for me to focus more on another language and concentrate less on it. Furthermore bloody aki coursework really takes lots of mental toll on you, as well as physical toll I suppose. So I would like to say that should circumstances have been different, there would be a higher chance of me continuing german. I suppose if I was in fass, I could have continued. But unfortunately I wasn’t.

 
And no I am definitely not regretting choosing aki. I relish in the mental processes my brain has to go through for every studio work. I relish in the unconventionality of this course, in which the students are all ATAS (slang for high class, a bit egoistical I know but it’s farny) and they all crack jokes about the hours one slept the night/early morning before. Fyi, I’ve heard a someone say she slept for only half an hour. I relish in the fact that finally for once I’m not only using books to study, or taking down notes feverishly, or reading notes for at least a few times to take in the points etc. but then whenever I think about writing essays, I’ll feel a pang of wistfulness. Those days when I was still writing essays, rushing them out during exams till my hand hurts, actually sitting at a table with notes in front of me and mugging, I really miss it. In short, I miss those days when there’s less work to do, when all the work we have to do is just to read and write. Definitely not like now when things are quite different, if not completely. So it came as no surprise that I enjoyed writing the 1000 words essay we’ve to do for 2 designers (I did 2 architects to build up on my case studies and I wrote 1700 words in the end, and I couldn’t care less to reduce the words since aki is all about flexibility right? lol) and I think I’m going to enjoy doing my research for this other 1500 essay on kisho kurokawa. Yes I chose this guy because he’s Japanese, lol. Talk about biasness.

 

I actually wanted to write more, since it’s been such a long time since I last wrote something for myself. But then right now time is precious to me and I can’t really afford to throw it away like that. So yea. Gonna sleep for a short while now.

Love my new watch. =) It's minimalist, black, simple, and sleek. Everything which I look for in a watch which would at least last me for 4 or 5 years (?). Love the strap, which reminds me of the carbonfibre they use for F1 high techno racecars. It's strong, yet flexibe, metallic but still black and not silver.

Money's well spent. But I'll have to eat chaper foods from now on to recoup the loss. Lol.

 

I don't think I've blogged for quite some time. The only reason I can give is that my mental capabilities are so drained by schoolwork, and there are so many things for me to say, that every time I tried to write something about my life, I couldn't. Or it's just because there's really nothing going on in my life which is interesting enough. I don't think anyone would want to hear about aki course's related stuff. Being busy with it all week days and nights, if that's the only thing I could say to ppl when I see them, that'll be an overkill already. And this is only the first two months. If I've already become someone who coops herself either in the studio or in her room doing her own stuff, I might as well be staying in school all the time in future years.

 

We just completed our first design module project which is a series of stages where we have to do different things for each stage. I didn't sleep for a consecutive 3 days before critique except for 1 hr in the first night, 45 mins the next and half an hr the last night. During those times I think if I allowed myself, I could sleep standing up and end up collapsing and sleeping on the floor instead. One thing I noticed about myself is that I can fall into deep restful sleep within 10 seconds anywhere sitting down like on the train and bus, if I could find a seat. And that my head always lolls to the right when I'm asleep for some unknown reason. But its some facts which I'd rather not find out. So now I value my sleep and slacking time A LOT. Better do it when I have the chance now that it's my 1 week semester break. But since I've got german, japanese, and this dreadful module called structural systems which is basically math and physics, plus various stuff, it's not really like a complete break. I wonder if such a thing exist in aki. Oh god if we still have work to do during our december break I dunno what I'll do, lol.

 

And around 20 ppl have dropped out of aki already. Wonder if there are going to be a lot more as the years go by. Hopefully I'm not one of them cos I'll really like to persevere till at least the end of 4 years. Because though I'm a coward, I wouldn't want to actually be labeled as one, someone who dropped out halfway. That would really be one of the biggest regrets I'll have in my life, other than me not being able to be a racecar driver. Haha, just kidding.

 

I think I'm really getting better in my japanese. Just wrote my second compo for jap language class and it seemed easy to me. (I'm just expressing my feeling, not trying to boast, lol) Of course it's not without the help of my e-dictionary which cost me, or rather my parents, 698 bucks. I'm really glad that I own such a thing, even though it might seem to be a rather unnecessary and overpriced buy, cos of the fact that it helped me out A LOT when it comes to learning japanese. And now with german it's been put into more good use than before. I thank god every time I use it cos it's just so damn useful and convenient. The internet from the com doesn't even measure half to it since the e-dict contains lots of translations of 13 languages and there's the voiceover to help you with your pronunciation, as well as the different forms of a japanese word. Think the money is really worth it. I really hope to improve my japanese, both spoken and written forms. Plan to go all the way to JLPT 1 but that's hoping that I'll be able to do it. Shall see whether I pass JLPT 3 or not this year. Haha.

 

And I dunno why on earth am I taking german when I do not have that intrinsic interest in it like I do for the jap language. The only reason I'm taking it is so cos I can go to switzerland in my 3^rd year and in order to do that I must keep my average grade at C or above. It won't be difficult as long as I put in the time and effort. Hope that I'll be able to invest that bit then.

 

Well, if I say I don't really have THAT much interest in learning german as compared to japanese, then when it comes to this module called structural systems, I can safely say that I don't even have that ONE DROP of interest in it. I remember how I used to skip a few math lessons last time when I was in JC just because I really dread the lessons because 1) I dunno what's going on, 2) I have no interest in math AT ALL so what's the point of going besides the fact that I actually have to force myself to go since if I did, then I would at least learn something, which should be a much needed blessing as seeing how I didn't even touch my math stuff. I only changed my GC batts long after most ppl changed theirs, which is saying a lot, lol. And now this module is around the same, except that it actually has physics elements involved. But I guess it's still more math than physics since it's a lot of numbers. I wouldn't mind if it's more of words like the theorectical part of physics. But don't think that'll be the case since it's aki and not some science course. Logical for them to focus more on more useful and practical (?) knowledge?


I need to sleep now. Goodnight.

     


This is the first time I've received a card from a child way younger than me. The 5 yr old kid sister of my tutee drew this and gave it to me. I've no idea why since I'm not even teaching her. But oh well. She made two tiny envelope like things and gave it to me too. But since I really didn't want to keep this kind of junk erm I mean things which are not that necessary around, I've threw them away already. As for now, I'll just keep the card she drew somewhere in my drawers. Until the time when they become an eyesore I guess.

You seemed to have all the time in the world each time I happen to see you.
Carrying your grandchild in your arms,
Looking around, at the people walking past you,
Carrying on with their lives, and
Leaving you with your own musings.
You tried to stop them in their tracks,
Tried to hold a conversation with them,
Ask how had they been (if they happen to be neighbours whom you know),
All the while contentedly holding the young toddler,
Rocking it slightly in your arms.
On some occasions I ran into you while walking back home.
I thought to myself, Oh no, here comes the
Nosey neighbour. The auntie whom I've always kept a distance from.
Since I absolutely hate to waste my time on such trivial
And uninteresting activities such as making small talk with
neighbours (I've never been a neighbourly person),
I always made sure to walk quickly away after giving her
A brief glance, a smile and perhaps a 'Hello'.
Come to think of it,
Until the funeral, I've not seen her lately.
Must have been at least a few months since I last saw her.
Seemingly healthy, with much time on her hands,
Enjoying her retirement as a grandmother.
I've never realised her existence as acutely as I did now,
When her life had passed and now
All that's left is just a temporary funeral,
As well as my short fleeting memories of her.
Strange isn't it, the way our minds work.
We only realise the existence or importance of something
Only when it's gone.
Never to come back and be included in your world,
The realm of every day mundanes.
Yet every common aspect we take for granted fits together,
Forming our usual daily lives.
I wonder,
Should there be no nosey auntie who always seems as though
She wants to stop me in my tracks and chat with me,
Would I even begin to realise her existence,
My foolishness and
Inability to appreciate that which has always been there
Before my eyes?

Sad

The sun seems to have set faster today,

More so than it's usual time.

The birds were hurrying back to their nests in evening time,

Their merrymaking sounded far and distant to my ears.

For some reason it began to rain.

Perhaps the heavens could feel my rock heavy heart,

Beating soundly but dully.

As though it was not enough of a mockery,

Shrieks, cries and laughters of children broke out

Creating deep reverberations against the stale atmosphere

Which within I've enclosed myself.

The stark contrast between the outside world and my inner turmoil

Seems to encompass all that I can process at the moment.

The lack of sympathy all around me,

Their carefree beings and their worrying over little, tiny things,

Their inability to empathise, their reluctance and unwillingness to do so,

Made the heavy lump within me grow even worse,

If that's even possible.

Regular things were taken out upon.

The frayed edges of an otherwise perfectly fine paper stood out like an eyesore.

Without a second's hesitation, I crushed it and threw it away,

Knowing that I've just wasted a good dollar or so.

Setting down to work should be my priority,

Yet I couldn't get myself to,

Since my body seems to be screaming for me to lay down and rest.

And do that I shall,

With the hope that the blue shadowing my eyes would disappear

The next time I open them.

If the tutors were gonna grade literature works instead of visual images, I would most likely get a 'too literal interpretation' comment and be asked to redo the entire thing. But whatever I can't be bothered to write something 'abstract' and post it on my blog as though I've got nothing else to do.

A discussion today has made me realise something new about myself. I do not know when did this happen, but I've become someone who bases her thinking on logical facts and explanations. And a studio mate told me to 'open up my mind' to accept more things outside of the tangible and physical realm, like the emotional and spiritual aspects. And apparently I should be able to understand these things well since I was a lit student before. Maybe it's because I couldn't really understand these aspects that well that's why I could only get a B for it, lol. Further proof of me being rather different as compared to before. If someone asked me what's the one thing holding me to the belief of God, it would be that I believe in Intelligent Design. Not any emotional reasons, not any feelings like 'love', just something as cold and hard as the concrete material.

I wonder why some people are able to accept Christianity at its totality and not question its rightness, its logic. Should a Christian do something wrong, he would immediately feel guilty because he's afraid of offending, of hurting, of angering the Lord. If it's a non Christian, they probably wouldn't be so self punishing. Life seems to be easier for them this way. No need to worry about any repercussions at all, just do what they feel like doing. But that's definitely not the case with Christians and I wonder why is that so. Is it because of the illusion which we've set up within ourselves that we'll be hurting God's feelings should we not abide by his commandments? Such things like hurting God's feelings by rejecting his love, or something along such intangible lines, I'm not even sure if it's really true. To say the truth, I'm kind of sick for blaming myself when I did something wrong in the context of Christianity. For example, in front of people whom I don't really know that well, I can discuss religion and the like with them animatedly, but when it comes to the question, whether I have a religion, or which god do I believe in, or none at all etc, I couldn't answer honestly. I couldn't bring myself to say with much confidence as perhaps two years before, that I believe that the Trinity exists and that they are three in one body, the true God of this world. Even right now, without the concrete facts I find it hard to convince myself that that's really true. And I don't include Bible verses in the category of 'concrete facts' since that would be totally biased. It's like arguing that red apples taste better than green apples and using a book titled 'Why the reds are better than the greens' to cite evidences and back your argument up.

Another potential worry that I can have is whether bad things would happen to me now that I said such blasphemous things and that I've not acknowledged his name properly in front of others. But since I'm rather tired and sleepy now, I don't think it'll bother me much. I feel like I've sort of ruined the name of Christianity with this post. But it's not like this is the first time. I wonder how many christians who read this would not think that I'm one irritating person who keeps saying this kind of faithless things and tarnishing the good name of Christianity(and I thought that people who dare to call themselves christians are not supposed to be judgemental at all). And I think I know that answer and that is none. No one would be that forgiving. No one could be that empathetic towards someone else whom they don't know well. Actually, I doubt anyone can be empathetic even towards someone whom they know well and are close to. Maybe there are. But I don't think such people exist around here nowadays. Perhaps I'm setting too high a bar for an 'appropriate level of empathy', perhaps I'm being too harsh on my fellow human beings. But it still won't change the fact that I've lost confidence in people. Oh and God as well. But I'm sure I would regain that trust in the latter soon since I do think that God exists and that since he does, I believe that his entity is the only constant. The only constant is not change, it's God. That's what I believe in right now, hopefully for a longer time yet.

First ever critique session was over yesterday. I was the eighth person to go so that's a pretty good number since I'm not one of the first few persons to go and I also don't have to wait that long for the people in front of me to finish. My work has a few good points which are just that my photos look aesthetically pleasing and my graphics are arranged nicely and they're relatively well drawn. Bad points (which far excede the good points) are that my photos do not convey the many ideas which I said during my presentation. And the black and white transformation which I did did not match my reason since it's not 'faded' and 'black' enough. yea. Overall, I'm quite okay with it. And I agreed with what they said about my ideas not matching up to my images. Being able to convey your ideas clearly through images instead of words. Now that's pretty difficult for me since I'm more of a words person. But oh well, this is only our first critique session. We still have another one next week. Now that's quite a number to go for an entire semester. At least I liked talking and presenting so that's not too bad.

A girl from the other studio group cried. She said please excuse me and then just went behind the board to cry. What's funny is that the tutors just said yes go on without batting an eyelid. I wonder if they have something like empathy and sympathy left in their seemingly emotionless hearts.

I guess the two tutors who took us weren't that harsh and critical enough. Oh well. I prefer this kind of less harsh attitude anyway. If they said some harsh comments to me I'd probably argue back and end up being reflected badly on myself to others. Lol.

One of the instructions for our new assignment is to "go outside", "Read the text etc", "Find a nice tree, blindfold your eyes. Smell, read and touch the tree." etc. wth. There's no way in hell am I going to blatantly molest a bloody tree like that. And some to think of it, I don't think anyone would do that anyway, at least not anyone with their right minds.

Time to get back to work.

Tschüss.

I'm starting to get a hang of this entire endless assignments and limited deadline business. I just have to manage my time well. Think fast, develop ideas fast, chop chop get down to business and then start producing the needed sketches/photos. Downside? You might not have that much sleep. And you can still be subjected to the warped views of the tutors. Tomorrow will be my first critique session, one that will be held in the sports hall instead of the studio, with more audience than usual. And I've heard that both girls and guys have broken down in front of everyone because they couldn't stand the stress and criticisms, and a girl has fainted before. LOL. Good thing I can crap relatively well, let's hope that'll help me somehow when the criticisms start flowing in.

Oh, and apparently there are already a handful of people who have dropped out after two days. Well, I guess they weren't really that into it in the first place.

German has been interesting. Now I only have to find the bare minimum time to practise speaking it each day.

Back to work.

It's 3.15 in the morning and I've still got 13 more sketches to draw. Deadline? Monday. Oh, and I've still got to go teach tuition from 9 to 12. Then I've got to finish up the entire darn pinhole camera business, successfully take the picture, go develop them and somehow find some way to fit each of the two photos onto a 40x40 frame each. Then I've to somehow produce a combined image of this two using a photocopier. Lastly, I've got to mount these 4 pieces of images onto A1 size papers.

Now my weekend is gone and it's only the first week of school. I can already imagine the kind of life I'll have for the next few years, which is bascially, no life.
 

I now know why some people drop out of archi. Sometimes I'm sorely tempted to do that too. Too bad I'm a coward.

I'm kind of wondering whether I'm in the right place, the right course. Initially I thought that there can be no mistakes about me being here. But now I'm not so sure, nor am I so confident about myself, my own abilities.

At the studio briefing (I had this idea that it would be held at the studio itself and someone would bring us around and explain to us the various aspects of the studio etc but I'm wrong, it's held in an air-conditioned lecture hall instead, not that I'm complaining), we actually had to stand up when our names are being called, one by one and then give a short introduction of ourselves, including the reason as to us being here in aki.
 

Well my name is among the last since my last name starts with a 'W'. But I had plenty of time to panick before that. Quite a lot of the 160 fellow aki undergraduates all said such wonderful reasons as to why they chose this course. Some of the more common ones were they wanted to be architects, they liked design, they liked drawing. The more unique ones were, if I didn't remember wrongly, to explore spaces, lines of symmetry etc. Some of the more 'heck-care' types said that they went there because ntu and smu didn't accept them, and because they received the acceptance email from nus that's why they were there. These reasons are similar to mine. Because I definitely didn't go aki because I want to set out to be an architect. I only came here because I thought it's the least boring of all courses, since I'm sick of academic stuff which occupied me for the better part of my early education. Yes, that's how lame my reason is. It couldn't compare to those wonderful reasons most of the people gave. One of the girls even said something like this, “I cannot say that I like architecture, in fact I'm passionate about it etc” And she said it with so much enthusiasm that one would be a fool to think that she's merely lying to impress the professors.
 

So what am I, someone whose enthusiasm for aki which couldn't even hold a mere candle to the passion which the others had, doing here? And I'm not even sure if I want to be an architect. I don't even know why am I here other than the fact that it's the least academic of all and so it won't be boring. It's true that I had a preference regarding it over the other courses, but apparently this preference is not strong, deep, or passionate enough compared to the rest of my fellow course mates.
 

Well, at least I know that some of them are like me so I'm definitely not the only one. But the only thing which I'm concerned about is whether or not I can pull through these 4 years with the amount of interest (I suppose it's there) and passion (which is practically non-existent) which I have towards this course. I don't think it is talent that would enable a person to pull through these years and still propel them forward along the long road of becoming an architect. It's the passion which holds them fast to their dreams, which might disappear somewhere along the way and get its light snuffed out by plain feelings of lethargy and discouragement.
 

I am fully aware of the fact that it's not only this course in which the students face such dilemmas. In fact a lot more courses demand the same, if not more, effort and perseverance from them, such as medicine and law. So I shouldn't make it out to be such a pain in the arse when I'm sure a lot of other students feel rather inadequate from time to time about their own abilities. In fact when I think about the potential problems which others have, somehow I'll feel as though my heart got lighter and that I've been worrying over miniscule things not worth the time and bother all this while.
 

Anyway, on to something more interesting about the course. A Japanese guy would teach us “pencil and paper” for a few weeks. He's called Kazuhiro Nakajima and I just went to Google to check his name out and I saw that he's rather famous and stuff. I suppose he's not a permanent staff of NUS, just that they probably invited him over for a brief teaching stint. And what's even more interesting, and in my opinion, rather funny, is that Nippon Paint is going to teach us about “colours” for a few weeks too. Ok, I wonder if they're going to send some random 'colour expert' from that company to give us some lectures. I'm so looking forward to those lessons, since I want to know what's it all about exactly. Nippon paint? The hell?
 

As I was telling rachel ong and both of us were discussing about this piece of article we read on yesterday's papers in the home section, the entire incident was so ridiculous that it's like a farce. Personally, I find it so hilarious I think that it's one of the best jokes ever, just that it actually happened in real life. So what happened was that this little boy, 8 years old if I'm not wrong, opened the glass door wanting to enter Macdonald's. But then unexpectedly the glass door shattered and then like beautiful sparkly raindrops, it fell all over the boy, just that it's actually glass which can cut into the skin and do irreperable damage, and not harmless rain.

Just imagine having so many tiny glass pieces falling on you. What's worse, your head got the most damage since it's the most exposed to the falling glass pieces. But wait the best is yet to come.

The boy's mother requested the Macdonald's personnel to bring her a first aid kit. But instead they told her to bring the boy to the nearest clinic. Yes, ok, it's fine if they don't want to waste manpower and resources on a poor traumatised and injured boy who might have several nightmares in time to come. But thing is the boy's mother did not know how to get to the 'nearest clinic', as the workers very helpfully directed her. So she had to hail a cab and rely on the taxi uncle to bring them to the 'nearest clinic', all the while hoping that the uncle doesn't freak out too much and get all the directions wrong. Having one entire team of screwed up workers is already enough, one doesn't need another blundering hindrance during an emergency.
 

So let's skip the entire process of them being directed again to another clinic, KK's, and having to go through hours of examination by the doc, who thought that he had removed all of the glass pieces from the boy's body and head, only to see even more embedded glass pieces. If it's me, at that age, heck, even at this age, I would be scared shitless, let alone that little boy.
 

Ok, the story doesn't end here. The boy eventually recovered (no buldging in the skull, no memory loss), which is very fortunate for the fast food restaurant, but then the mother wants to know why is it that something like this could happen in restaurant which is promoting itself as being family oriented and kids friendly. Guess what the defense said?
 

The glass they use for their glass doors is actually tempered glass and there's an additional layer of something (can't remember) on it for added resilience. Ridiculous fact number 1. Personally, I highly doubt that the glass they used is really tempered glass. I once watched a mythbuster's episode and they were doing some kind of experiment involving normal glass, tempered glass and bullets. I can't remember what was it about. But they shot the tempered glass at the back of a car with a bullet and it did not shatter into a million pieces like it did with the normal glass. Instead there was just a spiderweb like damage done to the glass. The glass did not even shatter and fall. So I highly suspect that the glass they used was really tempered glass, which should be strong enough to withstand even a bullet shot. Or perhaps the tempered glass they used is not like the usual vehicle glass? It costs cheaper? If so, there's some serious material reevaluation to do here.
 

What's even better, the defense said that their glass doors would not shatter should there be nobody playing with it. When I read this, I was actually dumbfounded for a moment. Exclamations of My Goodness were running through my head. I simply could not believe that they actually dared to say this. Either they're damn stupid, or they're damn brave. Playing with the glass door? Hello?! The boy was just opening the glass door to get inside their restaurant to patronise them! Perhaps they should watch their words more and find out more about the situation first before giving this kind of utterly ridiculous comment.
 

And what did they have to say regarding them not giving enough help to the injured boy? Well, might and behold, they gave them napkins. NAPKINS, people, NAPKINS. Do I even need to comment on this? On how idiotic and brainless for them to give a child with shattered glass pieces all over his body NAPKINS? Well, to give them their credit, they said that they have first aid kits in all of their branches. If so, the commonsensical question to ask would be, then why on earth didn't they bring out the first aid kit? They should have just brought it out for show, to give the impression of them being emergency ready, even if they don't happen to have any trained personnel there. Now whenever I think of this napkins thing, I'll feel disgusted with them. Seriously. Any random cheapo customer could get napkins for FREE, and they said they gave the boy napkins. Yea, that's a whole lot of help. I'm so completely impressed, not to mention just slightly nauseous out of the admiration I have for them.
 

And I still couldn't get around why couldn't they have offered a single worker to just bloody hell bring the boy over to the 'nearest clinic'. Is it that difficult, that impossible, that beyond their capacity? Shouldn't they have sent one worker there and accompany the family until the entire medical treatment is over? I think that that should be their way of accountability. After all, the entire incident happened on their ground, with their glass door. Or don't tell me that they are so damn busy that they couldn't even afford to send someone down there, because apparently they trust more in the value of finances since they even skimmed in this area, even during such an emergency.
 

Oh, and one last thing. The boy was actually going to hold his birthday celebration at that Macdonald's branch. Too bad the drama began before he even got to blow out his birthday candles. Let's see if parents still dare to bring their little kids to hold their birthday celebrations there. For me, I know that even if I ever to go there for the occasional mcflurry, I would never open their glass doors without be reminded of this farce.
 

And even though I might think that their way of handling things is utterly hilarious, I do not, at all, think that it's funny being in the boy's shoes. Note that I'm not laughing at him, but at the other party.
 

Anyway another thing which I found funny (yes, sometimes I'm an easily amused person) is that even though the journalist wrote that the boy now is traumatised enough not to go near glass doors, the published photo was of him and his mum standing just right next to it, looking at it as though it's the bane of their life. So did the photographer request for them to stand next to it (and awfully close too)? Or they chose to do it themselves for added emphasis of the drama? Whatever, I already think that this is such a farcical event. Almost nothing else can surprise and bemuse me more now.

You often hear people say that there is no need at all whatsoever to believe in any gods or take up any sort of religion because you can still be a good person without worshipping any gods and that by doing good deeds, good karma would come around full circle and return to you in the form of good consequences. If so, then where is the room for any gods for that matter, let alone the Christian God who preaches that it is His grace precisely which allows us to be absolved of sins, or wrongdoings?Well I really am no expert on this matter, and by the way, can anyone say for sure that what he thinks is the truth? Anyway, I'll still express my opinions on this matter.

When people say that by doing good deeds, such as donating to charities, thinking only good thoughts about others and not trying to do others harm, always helping others and being selfless, they will then be protected from bad consequences from happening to them. Lots of people call it 'karma' but I'd like to call it 'consequences', since it has a more neutral tone than 'karma' which has lots of religious implications.

When that is the case, helping others, doing good deeds, because you don't want bad things to happen to you, because you want good deeds to happen to you instead, isn't this sort of insincere, fake and hypocritical? All these good deeds that a person's doing, ultimately, that is for his own gain, whether he believes in feng shui or karma, or whatever. Note that I'm not trying to bash any belief system down. I'm just attempting to reconcile my thoughts with my own belief system. A person is free to his own thoughts, isn't that right?
 
In the rare chance that a person might actually possess such a heart full of gold, I would like to think that it is precisely because we are made after the image of God that we are able to produce such feelings of love, empathy and humility. Should a person think that he doesn't need some kind of divine guidance of god to tell him what to do, since he himself knows how to tell from right from wrong, then he should ask himself, why is it that he's able to have such innate feelings if he is no more than just flesh and bone, biodegradable food going back to earth after he dies and decomposes? I would like to think that we humans have souls in each of us, that it is this soul which enables us not for emotions, but for feelings stronger and deeper than that, which to me is the ability to empathise with others, to be generous and selfless towards others even when it is against our survival animal instincts to do so.

Note that all these are just my opinions and they might sound like utter bullshit to a more learned person, or a more logical person. But still, this is something which I would like to believe in. Because I refuse to believe that our existence is just by a mere chance, that we are mere objects of experiment by some scientists living in outer space (the Raelian belief), or mere products of a coincidence known as the Big Bang. Natural selection might seem entirely to occur due to nature's very organised and sequenced works, but who is to say that nature is independent of God's will? Who is to say that God did not have a hand in this? Even more true to the matter at heart, who is to say that God doesn't and absolutely doesn't exist, should he not be able to prove precisely that?

So I would like to think that it is because of God that we're able to truly able to have good hearts from which spring forth good intentions which enable us to do good deeds. Of course, you can say that other gods might also be the ones who implanted in us such soulful hearts. It's just that I would like to refer to the supernatural divinity as just one God, to make things simpler. It's nothing like ostracising the presence of other gods of other religions, it's just a matter of convenience to me, you hear? LOL.

And this reminded me of what Martin Luther (not King), the father of the Protestant Reformation, wrote about some religious people who think that by doing good deeds, they could become good people and go to heaven. (well, I may be wrong here since I'm not even a theology student) He wrote that “good works spring from faith, they do not produce it”.

Well it makes sense to me, though it's difficult to explain why. Perhaps it's because I don't think that faith comes to a person that easily. Just by doing good deeds, does it guarantee a person an unblocked, clear path towards a future and after life full of goodness? I would like to think that it is the faith, or the innate good heart of a person, that enables them to do good deeds without feeling like they're losing out or that they are at a disadvantageous end since instead of helping themselves, they're helping others, and that they might not even get some gains in return.

Ok, I do not know if I'm even making sense. This post must be my lousiest post ever since it's all based on my guesswork as I've never heard an explanation regarding such a matter. Well, at least I made the attempt to explain (from my own point of view of course) why is it that Christians do not really like the idea of just doing good deeds by yourself and then being able to procure yourself a happy life due to the good karma coming back and stuff, without having faith at all in any gods. And I think that's because you're undermining the existence of God and the values He preaches. But personally for me, it's more than that. Because I would rather believe in a human population that is able to help one another out not because they are truly just trying to look out for themselves, but because they genuinely want to see the wellness of others. That sounds more poetically romantic than just a cold belief of 'good deeds come around to you so start the chain first' or something.

I was reading a 'Star Blog' the other day, first time ever, since I don't really concern myself much with celebrities and the likes (though I think it's way too exaggerated to call these people 'stars'). I only came across it when my friend told me that she wrote in to Stomp to complain about a bus driver. But anyway, I was reading some of the “star's” posts and I find that they don't really appeal to me. Perhaps it's because I don't really have much interest in the lives of these people whom I don't know personally. Perhaps it's because some of the topics they discussed about just don't really appeal to me, not even on the superficial level. Ok, I'm sounding like a snob here. But the point is that I came across this one part of a certain post which a 'star' wrote. And for a moment it held my interest since it's on the topic of Christian creationists and atheist evolutionists. But after that brief moment of me being transfixed on the words, my initial interest faded away, leaving me thinking that I hardly see any singaporeans talk about this touchy touchy issue (perhaps it's because I don't really read the blogs of others much), and yet when I come across something being written about this topic, it deflates me even further because from what this star blogger wrote, I could tell that he is not at all knowledgable about this subject.

I find it an amazement how one can so easily dismiss the writings of the Bible and say that the theory of the creationists must be wrong and that the evolutionists must be right, which so many people hold so important and close to their hearts, and that's not even including those Bible literalists who liken it to the absolute truth, when one does not even know enough about this issue to be able to make such a dismissive conclusion without much thought, much consideration. I then thought that an atheist sounds so cool, and that an atheist sounds way cooler than a Christian would ever sound. Just by saying some scientific stuff, perhaps rant off the findings of Charles Darwin or the strong worded opinions of Richard Dawkins, and then ending with something like, “Therefore it is very much within my intellectual capacity, as well as taking in the accounts of the various and extensive considerations I have made regarding this topic, to say that I do not think that 'God' has ever existed. To believe in Him and a perfect creation such as Earth and humans would be akin to saying that you believe in unicorns, fairies, gnomes and the likes, of course notwithstanding the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that people who still believe that a God existed in this time and age, have had too much brainwashing by the state, or by their equally doctrinal families and so they urgently need to undergo a thorough 'de-christ' awakening process.” I think this sounds way cooler than what a Christian would say, for example something like “I believe that there's a God because He saved me” or “I believe that there's a God because my parents say so”. See what I mean? People who have faith have been called by others as having blind faith and they sound much less reliable than an atheist, who would, in comparison base his opinions on some knowledge of science and seemingly rational logical thinking.
 

But personally, deep down, I do not feel, in any way at all, that an atheist who speaks of his disbelief in the Christian God all day and night long, is cooler in any bit to a Christian who dares to say that he believes in God, in front of others whom he knew would treat him like a deeply disillusioned and stupid person. Facing the contempt that would surely come from some extremist atheists, I think that it takes courage for a person to admit that he or she believes that there's a God. Perhaps we don't really have much of these people in Asia or Singapore right now, but I think soon, more vocal atheists would emerge, and at that time Christians who still dare to proclaim their love in God are the ones whom I think have true courage. Of course, others would like to say that these people either have no brains or are too foolish, ignorant and thus 'brave' for their own good. I happen to think that agaist such hostile opposition and the threat of being labelled as 'disillusioned' or a 'kuku', such a person is way cooler than any of the atheists to admit his faith and proclaim it loudly and daringly.
 

As I was saying, this star blogger's short part about the ignorance and foolishness of creationists (I think he lumped all christians under this broad category of 'creationists', judging from his lack of expansion on the topic and his narrow-mindedness regarding it as well) made me realise that which I've written above. That saying that you disbelieve in God will instantly make you sound way cooler and intelligent than someone else who says the opposite. Also, it made me realise that in order for me to not behave like such a narrow minded 'atheist' (the inverted commas are there because I don't think this star blogger is a real atheist, he's just saying what he said to pass off as being cool, and perhaps it's a vain attempt at writing something 'deeper' than what the other star bloggers are writing. Well it's futile since I think it highlights his ignorance about this entire topic rather than make him seem knowledgable), I have to explore more about this realm of topic. Science versus Religion. In which ways do they converge and coexist and in which ways are they incompatible. Unlike the typical picture of an ignorant Christian whom a lot of people, including this star blogger, like to paint, I'll like to prove that you can be a Christian who believes that there's a Creator who created this world using Intelligent Design, and that Jesus Christ has also been his embodiment who has died and risen and who now lives among the eternally living, and yet still can be open minded and broad thinking regarding this topic.
 

But of course, the cool atheists are right in saying that Christians start off by some beliefs which they hold to be true, and after that then do they start finding the evidences to solidify their beliefs, unlike atheists who use the available scientific (which is the infallible and rational truth) evidences to gather suitable hypotheses and conclusions from there. Well, we Christians are like that, there's no arguing around this. But have they ever thought that scientific findings are no more absolute than the 'completely baseless' sayings of the Bible? What the scientists had established are from physical findings and repeated experiments etc. But one also has to consider the fact that none of these scientists know if there are any further evidences proving another point, which might be contradictory to their original findings. In short, that which they have not found out they do not know. That's why, I'm thinking that no one can truly call themselves an atheist because of the many unknown factors regarding our existence. At most, one can call himself an agnostic and that to me, is far more logical than just dismissing without much thought and consideration that there is no God, no Intelligent Design, no innate human souls, just us and after that, wormfood. Because no human can say for sure and with absolute certainty that there is no God. Unless he has lived through the ages and will continue to live till the earth is coming to its end, and yet should there still be no rapture, then he has the right to say that yes, there is no God at all. But until then, no one should count their chicks before they hatch from their eggs.
 

And no I'm not trying to use the rapture as a sort of threat saying that oh by the way if you don't believe in God, you're going to hell, just for your information. I don't believe in such 'scare tactics' used by some Christians since that's not what God is about.
 

On my next post, it'll be about the common saying by a lot of people that it doesn't matter even if you don't believe in any gods, since what's most important is that you know what is right from wrong, and that you do not harm others at all, even when conducting yourself 'immorally' as those religious and holier-than -thou people like to say. Well if there's no need for there to be a god as long as we behave as 'good' people, then all that I've believed up till this day would be all for nothing. That's why I have to write about this. Well, until the next time.

At first when someone sent me this email, I tried to see if I can look at it both ways. But despite how much I stare at the lady, I couldn't make her spin the other way. I could only see her spinning in an anti-clockwise direction. But then today I went to youtube and tried my luck again. Read the comment that you just have to stare at it for 20 seconds and then look at her knees and then she'll change her direciton. Well I tried it, because I refused to believe that I'm one of the numerous people who couldn't see her spin in both ways. And it worked! And I managed to 'switch my brain currents' as well! So I'm both right and left brained! Originally before I took this test I thought that I was right-brained, because I'm not good at science and math. But then I got a shock when I could only see the anti-clockwise direction, because I never thought that I'm a left brained person. And it kind of made me lose my self-esteem. yes it's a stupid reason to get upset over, but still. Anyway, enjoy trying to see it both ways!

What makes Christianity so different from the rest of the many other major religions around? What makes its followers think that Christianity is the 'right', the 'true' religion? I've realised that the themes which are central to Christianity, in that they are important to its understanding, are also similar to the themes in some other religions as well.

For example, the Virgin birth of Jesus from the Virgin Mary. You might think that only Christianity has this God who was born from a human who was a virgin and yet was able to conceive of this man who later on became a central figure to Christianity. But Hinduism has Virgin births as a central theme as well. Only difference was that there isn't just one God who was born from a Virgin, they had many other Gods in that aspect as well. 

Also, I've realised that Jesus is not the only god whom people claimed that he died and then was resurrected and then lived on forever afterwards. Previously I said that Jesus was the only God who lived and then died and then was resurrected. I was deeply mistaken. There are various gods who were said to have such a similar occurance happen to them too. Though they have different details about them regarding their life, death and resurrection (such as the spirit of a man/god returning to another human who has done good deeds, I think it was the Egpytian god Osiris if I'm not wrong), they are still the same, humans whom people claimed had died and then were resurrected again.

Although people usually associate Virgin births and resurrected gods with Christianity, it doesn't block out the fact that there are many other religions, many other gods which had the same qualities too. So the 'unique' aspects of Christianity which followers often use to validate their beliefs were not that unique after all. 

And you can't really say that Jesus was the only one who was being recorded in actual history books by actual eyewitnesses who witnessed the entire process of life, death and resurrection, and that the rest of all these deities have no real evidence to validate them, since we don't even have real actual proof of there being such a human god called Jesus Christ in historical books other than the Bible. Christians often use the Bible to back up their claims. They believe that everything in the Bible must be true, since to them, the Bible is God's holy words, inspired by the real living God Himself who's also the creator of this universe. But outside of the Bible, there hasn't been any substantial historical records validating even the presence of this man called Jesus Christ. (There had been allusions to such a man with the same characteristics, but they had been fuzzy records at best, which did not mention clearly that the man was Jesus Christ, whom the Christians worship)

So what I'm trying to say is that since the existence of Jesus Christ was only validated by the Bible, it cannot be taken as real hard proof that he's real, that everything being written about him in the Bible is real, since the Bible can be said to be a highly biased piece of work written and compiled over the years to suit various religious and political agendas. In that case, the same reasoning goes for the gods and deities of other religions as well. The followers claim that they're real, same as the way Christians did, yet Christians just dismissed them as just myths and bedtime traditional stories, without ever thinking that what they're doing to such beliefs of others, is exactly the kind of behaviour which they themselves dislike and disapprove of, when it comes to non-believers towards their religion, Christianity. Talk about pot calling the kettle black. 

Now back to the point. The specific topic which I would like to talk about is that if there's no real hard evidence saying that yes, Jesus Christ was a real human who once walked this earth and who had since resurrected and is now a living god. So we, as Christians, really have nothing substantial to prove that he's real, that he is indeed a God, the one and only true God. Nothing at all, absolutely nothing.

That sort of makes us people who just follow and believe blindly. Of course I won't end it here, after saying all these stuff about how there's no real evidences for the claims of Jesus Christ, and that's excluding the issue that he might not even be real, that he might have just been a normal regular human being. Personally, I do not think that the happenings recorded in the Bible is false. Even when it comes to non-believable occurances such as Noah's Ark and the Great Flood, which is said to be physically and geographically impossible, I hold a certain faith that all of them had indeed happened. That even the visitation of the angels when Jesus was born from a Virgin was real, that even when Jesus calmed the raging tempest on the sea with mere words was real, that he was able to walk on water as though it was land... that he was able to heal the blind, the lepers with just a touch of his hand, even making a deal man come alive... All these miracles, as being referred to by the Christians, are simply so unbelievable that the most logical human being would most probably dismiss them as being false and utterly impossible, to the extent that should a person say that he/she believes that a person can actually do all that, he/she would be deemed as stark raving mad.

 

 Because nothing of this sort happens right now in the modern times, that's why it's rather unbelievable. Even if a person tries to argue that Christianity is real and that the events recorded in the Bible had all actually happened, in the face of science, logic and statistics, they would crumble to dust. (Because it is scientifically impossible for a giant flood to have occurred covering all of earth's land, because it is scientifically impossible for water to not give way should someone stand on it, etc etc)

Of course there can still be logical arguments in favour of God. But in the face of further counter arguments, they become slighted and so insignificant, that in the end, one really wonders, can the existence of God really be proven by humans one day? That as we become more advanced in techonology as well as our knowledge of the universe, where else does the belief in God stand?

I think that the fact that there are still many people who still believe in God today, taking into account their level of education and their IQ, speaks volumes. One should think logically that as we discover even more about the world we live in, we should rely less and less on supernatural beliefs, on beliefs which have no basis in science and logic. Yet there are still substantial numbers of people who truly believe that there is a place for God in our current modernised world. I've read something like this before, saying that science indeed gives us more insight into our world and surroundings but it doesn't give us a meaning to life. There are philosophical questions which exist, such as 'What are we humans here for?', 'What is the purpose of me being here?'. Such questions they might seem foolish, but they can stump even the cleverest of scientists. And I think religion is the answer to that, to our existence, and not philosophy, because philosophy is a study by itself. It's a whole field of studies written and thought by humans, whom they themselves do not have the answers at all. It's just guesswork and discussion. Lots of concepts can be thought out, lots of definitions can be written, but still at the end of the day one cannot use philosophy as an answer to such burning and seemingly unanswerable questions.

And I know that I am in no position to say what philosophy is or is not. These are just my opinions. That religion gives us meaning in life, not atheism, not philosophy, but the belief in an ideal God, a loving God. You can say that one can be an atheist and still gain meaning in life, by searching for other replacements and convincing yourself that they are the absolute truths. Still such ideals which atheism espouse, like as long as we are good people and do good deeds, we're gonna be fine. Because even these standards which they live by have no absolutes, they are simply works of the human mind, thought up to convince themselves that there is utterly no need for an invisible and seemingly non-existant God.

So back to the topic. I do believe that Christianity is for me (note that I did not say Christianity is the One and Only), because I believe in present day accounts. And largely because I do believe that human life is so fragile and cheap that I need something to believe in in order to give myself meaning. Meaning to the things I'm doing, meaning to my entire existence. I'll end the post with some quotes.



"I find it as difficult to understand a scientist who does not acknowledge the presence of a superior rationality behind the existence of the universe as it is to comprehend a theologian who would deny the advances of science."
- Wernher von Braun

"A little knowledge of science makes man an atheist, but an in-depth study of science makes him a believer in God."
-Francis Bacon

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
- 1 Corinthians 1:25
(I'm still trying to figure this verse out)

I'm going for the German language preparation programme! Which means that I'll be able to go to Europe (there's a choice of countries, namely Germany, Austria, and Switzerland) for a students' exchange programme! Isn't that just great? Well, too bad there's no Japanese LPP otherwise I would be chosen that, but German is good too! And I've copy and pasted the 400 word (I wrote a little more than the word limit) essay which you're supposed to write if you want to apply for it, here. Because I think it's really funny, especially the first paragraph. Why is it funny? Because none of it is real, seriously, though I sound serious in there. LOL. I have to refrain from puking while I wrote some parts, because that is just so not me. I sound like some hypocritical politician layering his words with honey in order to fool those gullible people. Lol.

 

I have always prided myself for not letting go of a certain ambition or desire until I have gotten hold of it. Since young, I've been interested in this area known as 'architecture'. And of course, at that time I do not know that there's such a term for the various interesting and intricate designs of the buildings I like to gaze upon, even so I knew that I have a profound interest in this particular area. Therefore it came as no surprise that I decided to apply for the course of Architecture when it comes to selecting our courses for universities, and subsequently to go sit for the aptitude test.
 

It is thus really fortunate for me to pass the aptitude test and to be enrolled as one of the freshmen waiting in anticipation to read Architecture in their university phase of life. And when I found out that there's such a programme to allow interested undergraduates to take up a new language in order to prepare them for an overseas exchange programme, I was exhilarated. I've always been interested in architecture since young, and Germany's centuries old architecture found on years of culture and tradition has always held a certain fascination for me.
 

I am intrigued by the architecture of European countries, especially that of Germany due to the country's rich cultural history. To be able to stay in this country and learn about its architecture as well as to improve and enrich myself along the way would really be a long term dream come true.
 

From the start of this short essay I said that towards certain goals which have caught my interest, I would definitely not give them up. I know this trait of mine well, since I've been studying the Japanese language since last year and even though it was hard at times, I continued to press on and continue learning the language. And I have the confidence to say that I can learn a new language concurrently with the one I'm already learning, even though it might be difficult, because I have the passion for it.
 

Thus, I would be greatly honoured should such a privileged entitlement of being one of the students selected for the LPP be given to me.

 

There, please do not think bad of me for lying through my teeth. We're supposed to boast of ourselves in such a self-praising manner when it comes to such essays right? And I'm open to writing such self-recommending stuff for my friends who want to apply for some students' exchange programme thingy. Just ask me to do it and I'll gladly do so, because I really enjoy writing such funny stuff. HAHA.

You've most probably already knew that Christians are against the act of homosexuality and promiscuous sexual relations with people who are not yet married. And you might have thought that Christians are wrong in being opposed to homosexuality and casual sex. You might have went, “What's so wrong about two people being in love? Just because they are of the same gender, it means that they're evil? That they're devil incarnates?”

On the surface, it seems perfectly logical for someone to think that the feeling of love for another human being is alright, and acceptable, since love always beats hatred right? And if there's more love in this world, then wouldn't there be less fights among humans? Isn't loving each other, regardless of their gender, better than hating each other?
 

I once thought that too, I thought that one's gender is such a superficial barrier to being able to love freely. I always didn't understand why does God disallow homosexual relations. Here is a verse from the Bible dealing specifically with God's vocal oppositions against homosexuality.
 

Leviticus 20:13, "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

If this verse disturbs you, you have every right to be so. Because which god would be so cruel as to even suggest such a hideous and inhumane punishment against people who did not do anything without the consent their partners and who did not harm any other people at all? Well if it seems horrible to you, wait till you read about some of the other verses in the Old Testament in which there are some pretty fierce and harsh outlash from God towards those people who have 'strayed'. Anyway this is not the point. My point is not to highlight how firm God is when it comes to such things, and certainly it is not to cast him in a bad light. Oh I might have already done that, I'll write about the apparent cruelty of God in the OT next time, if I ever do have the desire to write about it.

Well I was thinking, there must be a good reason as to why God and fellow Christians are so adament on their opposition against homosexuality.I thought that, they can't be so inflexible in their thinking to the point of being illogical. There must be a good reason as to why they are so against it. So the following is a list of reasons which might have contributed to the Christian's stance on this topic, excluding the reason which is 'because the Bible said so'.

1) There is obviously no way for a homosexual couple to have a baby together and so there is no way for them to carry on the line of the human species Perhaps God made people this way, so as to give us a sign, to tell us that nature made us this way, so maybe there's a reason for it, and that reason is that we are not to be with people of the same gender, otherwise the human species would be gone a hundred years down the road.

2)The existence of the HIV virus leading to an incurable disease known as AIDS (though there is much to be disputed on the origins of the virus, studies have shown that homosexual people have a higher chance of obtaining the HIV virus, compared to heterosexual people) as well as the existence of the many STDs might be here for a reason. It might be nature's way of telling us that homosexual relations, as well as casual sexual relations are wrong. Because if they are right, they should not have such negative consequences. Take the example of a wedded heterosexual couple. They did not have any sexual relations with anyone before they got married, and even after they wedded, they only kept such intimate relations to themselves. Would there then be a chance for them to get AIDS, or any other STDs?

You might think that there's no such thing as consequences being an indicator as to whether we did right or wrong, because they are just random effects, without any meaning to it. Then okay, you're saying that you don't mind STDs and HIV because they are no big deal at all compared to the lifestyle choice which you would like to make? (Shit I'm really sounding like one of those conservatives you see on TV holding placards protesting against gay rights, I'm not, really) Then I've really got nothing to say to that, because if a person thinks that having such a lifestyle beats everything else, including the possibility of contracting some incurable disease, it means that he is really either someone who just lives for pleasure without caring about the consequences, or that he's just a whacked-up nutcase. Now that isn't being logical anymore, is it?

3) Society forbids there to be homosexual marriages, for a very good reason indeed. Societal rules exist for the sake of keeping the community regulated and orderly. Imagine if there are no rules at all restricting homosexual acts and mulitiple marriages to various people, regardless of their gender, and also no taboos at all against incest. Then what would happen to the carefully wovan fabric of society? Parents would be able to have sexual relations with their children, people can choose to have only spouses of the same gender, and people are free to fall in love with just about anyone.

Society would just fall apart, because chlidren born from incest might be mentally and physically retarded (if they are not, then a few generations down the line, all the negative effects would be shown because of the accumulation of such 'unhealthy' genes). Also there would not be any offspring produced from a homosexual relationship, if things continue like this for a while, the human population would get smaller and might even become extinct. Or in the case of everyone having rampant sexual relations with each other, then wouldn't the traditional family structure be broken apart? Imagine being in a family which has many fathers, many mothers, and many many more step siblings. Well, in a way, we would all really be a large family. But then keep in mind the possibility of in family breeding and all its negative health effects, because if such a scenario really plays out, then you'll never know if the person you're marrying is actually your step sibling, or cousin.

So my point is that such taboos and restrictions exist in society because they serve a purpose in helping to keep the society in order. If homosexual mariages are being legalised, if multiple marriages to various partners at the same time is legalised, if incest is being allowed and not considered a taboo or crime anymore, then we would all have a more liberalised society. Certain groups of people would start cheering with joy and they would applaud the government and such. But did they even start considering all the possible negative consequences that would eventually happen should such things be legalised and allowed? If such prohibitions have been there since thousands of years ago, it might be wiser not to change them, for they exist for a reason, and a very good reason indeed – for the sake of keeping the human line running, without any predictable adverse effects.

4) You might want to say that animals in the wild do it all the time. In fact, taken directly from wiki... "No species has been found in which homosexual behaviour has not been shown to exist, with the exception of species that never have sex at all, such as sea urchins and aphids. Moreover, a part of the animal kingdom is hermaphroditic, truly bisexual. For them, homosexuality is not an issue."—Petter Bøckman

Personally, I refuse to think that humans and animals are on the same intelligence and moral level. I've always thought that humans are different from animals in that we all have self-control, we do not give in to our basal instincts and start murdering people whom we don't like, and we don't really go rape someone else just like that just because we feel like it. Perhaps it's human laws which are preventing us from doing so. If there are no laws forbiding us to do whatever as we like, then we'll probably be just like animals, giving in to our instincts, having self-control but choosing to ignore it, and doing whatever that we feel like doing. But then the fact is that we don't generally do that, because we are a group of sophisticated and cultured species. That makes us different from animals. And so I don't think that the display of homosexual activity among animals can be used to justify humans being the same way. Yes I do think that Nature has made it such a way that humans should only have heterosexual relations, because of biological reasons. And even so Nature has allowed animals to not be restricted by such troublesome laws and taboos, it doesn't mean that Nature meant humans and animals to be entirely similar to each other such that they can be grouped together. Meaning Nature might have intended this two groups of beings/creatures to be different, in the way they think, view things and live. Okay, that's the best I can do. This site can explain it a lot more than I can.

http://www.narth.com/docs/animalmyth.html

I'm too lazy to summarise the important points here. So go read it yourself there.




That's all.